Monday, April 04, 2005

Day 4: A Lunch Splurge

I'm down to $161.07 because I lunched on an egg salad sandwich from the Sandwich Deck.


It came with a bag of cheeto-os.

A colleague gifted me with the afternoon latte from Snow City Cafe.

Another colleague gifted me with pretzels. She keeps a Costco-bag of them on her desk. I snack. Often. Far too often to be cordial or grazing about it.

And the office gifted me with a mini-Twix.


I woke up this morning to find it snowing. I'm leaving the office, now, into blue skies and bright sun. There is snow on the ground, but the ice-way of my drive-way is almost entirely melted.

J is almost in town. Tonight I'm splurging on more hazelnut butter, with the intent of sending him back after the weekend with a big log of frozen hazelnut chocolate cookie dough that he can cut-off of and bake in his own oven. I know he eats the dough instead of baking the cookies. But every now and then, he mentions burning a batch. At least I know that my endeavours here are perfuming his abode there - even if the perfume shortly transforms into a fire alarm.


A friend once asked me what I would do if I knew I couldn't fail.

That was awhile ago. Part of the reason I left the city was that I couldn't answer that question. I simply didn't know. So much energy required to make it through what I was doing, that I had forgotten the things that I'd rather be doing. I had forgotten how to want more. Maybe it's this sun - bright and promising of many antics and stories to come. Or the break-up of the ice. Or the freedom, and encouragement, to be outside. But I find myself pondering this question a lot - and wondering just how much the fear of failure is still holding me back.


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